Notes to Self and Thoughts

Discipline – how do we attain it? We embody it just as the sun shares its innate warmth – though moderation is required otherwise one will burn.

In order to be disciplined one must first become a disciple of the unknown – to accept the unknown, to embrace the fear of mystery that may arise, to fully acknowledge life, and the totality of all beyond morals, is what encompasses becoming truly disciplined. This then becomes second nature and its label is simply an articulation of aspiration to an outside source’s desired goal without any goals whatsoever. The goal is the act or the flow of the eternal story. The goal is the enjoyment of the path to the top of the mountain. The goal is the accepting and welcoming every step without resistance. The goal is to embrace challenges with open arms, as if we had chosen them.

People ask me, “How do you do so many things at once? How do you accomplish so much?”

There’s a part of me that feels that I don’t even do enough – and that there’s so much more that I’d like to do. But it’s as simple as this: do one thing at a time. When you are doing that one thing, give it your fullest attention. This doesn’t only add a dimension of presence to the work but puts forth pure enjoyment to the task no matter how hard it may be. This is the enjoyment beyond hedonistic pleasures. It’s an actionless, thoughtless state of bliss.  

Discipline is attained through a series of small acts – some may see it as punishment or deprivation when born into a pleasure-chasing, drama-addicted society, but in order to fully indulge in the fruits of both pleasure and pain, one must occasionally abstain, in order to implement a productive structure so strong that consciousness becomes the embodying light of reason beyond reason.

Eventually discipline becomes a way of being.  Awareness is key to recognize self-sabotaging and procrastinating delusions of the mind – catering to this toxic fear is the reason why many people live life so unfulfilled.

One would say that the easiest way to find discipline is in nature – its order is natural despite its appearance – it’s habitual, seasonal, it doesn’t step outside of the circle that encompasses it because it is one with that very circle.

Birds chirp – the sky changes color throughout the day – days and nights appear different at times but all is as such.

The recognition of poor habits is essential to growth and accomplishment – anything that negates your envisioned path is stifling – yet paradoxically time wasted could lead to immense growth – which in essence means that there is no time wasted – this is simply because there is no time. Biological time is the only true force of confusion. But if you know only form then you will forever suffer – I suffer from this often. I would say that Eckhart Tolle’s teachings permeate my soul so intensely on both a practical level and spiritual level because it feels as if I’ve written them myself. All of this wisdom has to be innately and collectively stored within. It’s as if we have a sacred church within our ribs and our heart is the chorus; beating an infectious melody of love that extends through the pulse of the fingertips. 

I find myself guilty of my compulsion with form quite often. I would say witnessing my loved ones dying definitely opened up this curious nature to the question that just about perplexes almost every living human being: “What is our purpose? What is all of this?” Losing those closest to me, the attachment to the form; seeing those around me grow older. It’s odd. It truly is. The older I get the more I see the strangeness of biological age and the measurement of time. And if you ask someone, they never feel their age. Some people may be cynical and only reference aches and pains, but there is something within us that is eternal. You can see the lifeforce when you gaze and connect with someone present. The forever youth is perplexing. I picture myself dying and it’s so odd to think that we physically end. What’s odd, just right now, I had this vision, this feeling of being inexistent, just by the notion of memories before my birth – I remember the feeling of nothingness, of not even being a thought. I remember the freedom of not being born and living vicariously through others – I remember everything.

Time is inexistent – biological time is very much visible,          but beneath the layers of realty exist a realm unknown to the mind and only felt in the soul.

This same place comes from the words that I speak to you – at times the masters who I’ve learned from appear in my mind but I continue to speak without attachment to them; the mind attempts to paint the picture of solidity but nothing is truly solid. The world is made of emptiness, of formlessness, and in this essence of life is the greatest reality.

The regurgitations of all the wisdom of the world is are the internal and external vibrations of earth and all of the boundless universe – it’s complexities diffuse a peace amidst our mind as we look to the vast sky – we know nothing about it other than it is “sky” – we label things in order to speak, teach and convey messages to unification and understanding, but at the end of the day and well into the night none of this is real.

What is real has no life – it is simply one with life.

I don’t quite know where these words come from; well, I do, but at the same time the gem of truth is what comes without thought – the peace behind chaos comes in the calmness.  

There is a fear that fills us and limits us from enjoying life – this fear is absent of discipline – and the mind does not like to have discipline imposed upon it because discipline is synonymous with the ultimate freedom – and despite the lies that it speaks, the mind fears being free in spite of falsely thinking that it is free. It does everything that it can to build walls and falsified prisons around it, to pretend to have some false sense of control over the life – life is not controllable – but the invisible energy exuded is surely malleable to the point of sculpting it like an artist, or melting it down like an alchemist.  

Listen to subtleties within yourself – your internal chatter – feel what ignites your soul and makes you excited – if you feel and have nothing then something is blocking you from this – that is okay too – but don’t let this become your identity – do not let this run you, for it is a lie to become trapped in victim identity.

When the ego feels and can’t find an identity, it creates a false identity out of hatred and empowerment, in order to have some sort of control over itself while separating and segregating others with its conniving bigotry.

This is why everything has two sides – there is no middle ground – and if so, the middle ground has the least value to many because there is no value to the egoic mind in neutrality – it always seeks something to oppose in order for to grow like a cancer – the ego needs an overly acidic environment to survive, with artificial proclivities.

Time then becomes wasted because time becomes solid and real – nothing comes as joy and everything then becomes a means to an end. Sooner or later, you’re dead and have never even lived until you die.  

I’ve died several times order to realize this – I had to let myself die because my mind was poisoning my body and soul.

The recognition and series of small acts to productivity is stepping through the doorway to heaven – the realization that heaven doesn’t exist is the next step. If you’re taking this literal than you’re misunderstanding the lesson. Start back at page 1.

There is this oddity – things that we enjoy doing that are hard take a lot to do – exercise is hard – writing a story is hard – making a movie is hard – but what is hard? Hard entails a lot of work and a lot of presence – it means depriving yourself of laziness (what the mind has a proclivity towards) and doing something challenging – challenges promote growth and unity. Things aren’t “hard” but rather challenging – and challenges are exciting.

Society and its economic success are irrelevant to this. Though, I’m aware of the need to make money and provide for our families, but the true nature of success is not of the material realm. You can’t give a child what it truly seeks if you only pacify it with material possessions.

Over the years I’ve catered to what I was feeling as an artist, as a human being and gravitated to that instinctually, without resistance. When I lost someone that I loved, the only thing I could write truthfully was poetry – I had to find some means of productivity to grieve through the pain and rise above the egoic attachment, perpetuated out of bitterness and anger – a misunderstood child, cowering in fear, and confused by the depths of wisdom, spoken by misguided intellectuality.    

This doesn’t mean that you must do what I do – it means that do what interests you – do productive things that have helped other people and you will soon find what is true to you; simply try things. Try things that scare you. Try things that interest you. Try things that even don’t interest you. Just try things and while you’re there give your fullest attention to it.  

Feel the power within your body – feel the energy within everything that you encounter – in nature – in a room with four walls – see the life that permeates everywhere.  

We all forget but we all must remember that we forget.

Routine generates a force of power.

Structure builds a foundation of strength.

But one who has nothing has surely found everything.

The mind wanted to keep speaking as I wrote that but I have nothing truthful left to say – so I sit and listen to the birds chirping, singing – I feel the gentle breeze upon my skin, I feel the tightness in my right shoulder – I feel the warm rays of sun slowly leave me as they hide behind the passing clouds.

Everything that we need to learn is shown in observing nature; in feeling its infinite depths. 

I’m getting tired from writing now, I checked the clock, this is counterproductive to everything that I’ve told you but let this be a valuable lesson for you – never be a prisoner to time – let time be a goal tracker, a calendar of some sort to get into a grove, but time can never measure productivity because true creation comes out of a space that is not measured by time.

Just as the acts of creation by God could never have been measured by time, the creation of a fully developed, sculpted individual cannot be measured by fictitious time.

The season don’t compete with one and other – summer turned to fall, leaves fall and decay, fertilizing the ground for new life as winter’s frost begins to pervade the fleeting sun, and snow then begins to fall and white out everything to a silent blank of united unique patterns.

There are times when you do have to think, when writing a story, when doing something of urgency, but it’s the presence that pervades – it’s the presence the gives answers and adds another dimension to life or the art of form.

People feel this presence – it exudes to them – it’s truly unbelievable. I am so grateful to occasionally be the light, to be the mirror, of the greatness that they too hold within themselves – I admire them before they even admire themselves; the power they have. I love everyone and have so much to learn from my peers.

Sunlight, real food (unprocessed), clean water, nature, meditation, exercise, play, all of these things are essential to be true to who you are – play as a child throughout moments of the day.

I don’t want these words to be just for artists of the trades because being a human is an art of itself – a truthful human being inspires artists, everyone, and the whole of humankind. The simplest painting, the simplest lyrics, they live forever because at their core, they are of child-mind.   

I checked the time again to see if an hour had passed since I’ve been writing – I write usually a minimum of an hour a day, depending on the creative project I’m working on.  

I tell you this because I’m far from perfect, no matter how seemingly “successful” I am, spiritually, physically, or the good vibes that I do my best to exude – I am too a flawed human.  

This type of writing, unlike a story, needs the most untainted truth that there can be – so, everything that I write is coming out of a place of absolute presence – everything flows like a river – everything that comes out takes no thought – it comes from a deeper place; a place that holds no contemplation – yet, it speaks in words and symbols in order to take you to that special place – the place that is inexistent to time and the mind – yet here I am speaking to you about it – sharing my recipe for discipline.

That is why philosophy, guidance, is easier than story writing because its wisdom is absolute – story writing is more challenging, for me, at least. It’s putting a puzzle together and giving dimension to another world that mirrors this world – it’s sharing observational and personal experience in the form of characters and in play with an arc of beginning, middle, and end. A why drives the hero.

I am the man that I am today because I’ve suffered so immensely to my own mind, since way back when I was a child – and I deep down intuitively knew that these emotions, interpretations, and toxic feelings, were not natural to who I truly was – who am I then, you ask? – I can’t answer that question because I don’t even know – I can tell you my character traits, my accomplishments, my fears, but I can never truly tell you who I am.

Just as you can never truly tell anyone who God is; you can’t point a finger to the sky and say look it’s the sky. Yes, the sky is there but what truly is it before the word and symbol that came to be in order to describe it – what was ocean before a word or symbol was constructed to convey its essence. What were you before thought came into existence?

Speech is powerful but very limiting – paradoxically speech is a doorway to all that is speechless.

I wish that I could better articulate my words – I do sort of repeat things that have been ingrained into my subconscious from my training, but this is because all of the wisdom of the world is shared and what reigns true lives within you – it permeates your reality.

4 more minutes to go… I usually tape up my clock but I’ve been working on the computer all morning – I feel how inauthentic this is to the body, mind and spirit – it’s fun and enjoyable to pursue challenging goals but we’re not made to be on a computer for long periods of time – it will never be a part of our genetic makeup – it will forever be artificial.

This is why I shall now go out for a walk in the woods with my fuzzy little son, Bailey. Observe an animal, a dog, and see the truth of its soul exemplified with its innate and playful actions – some dogs have scars as well, but most have an instinctual freedom within their mirroring eyes, babies and children too. This is the essence of truth. This is what keeps us alive in moments we become lost to the mind; and many unfortunately live their whole life in this way of dysfunction, thinking that it’s normal because the consensus of society is actually collectively insane. There is nothing like watching a dog run wild and free.

Look to the sky at least once during the day and again at night – this is one of the best medicines ever – but look without trying to understand its vast beauty.  

In the industry of artistry, we always face defeat, whether it’s external or internal, the conscious choice to overcoming the self-sabotaging voice in the mind is ours. I’ve spent a decade as, at first, an actor, and then quickly molting into a filmmaker, writer, to realizing that even though I want and would love for the world to see my work, at the end of the day, this craft of creativity, is that of my own. That notion is what permeates the world the most. Whether they know my name yet or not, the energy is all shared and the world feels, vibrates and evolves, from the act of conscious creation. Presence and the acceptance and acknowledgement of all emotions, feelings, thoughts, the lack of control outside of ourselves and inside of us, is the step toward a place that I can’t articulate. When you’re in the flow of creating nothing else exists.

Any insecurity you face, whether it is your own, or projected by those closest to you or a stranger, should be observed and leave you unshaken. For they have not yet come to terms with their own greatness; in fact, they smother it and unfortunately may never know it. Don’t get smothered by your own mind and the mind of the collective.  The goal at the end of the day is have added a dimension of kindness to the world; by being kind to yourself, you’re kind to others. It doesn’t take much to do this; the honest energy that you put out is more than enough. A kind smile to a stranger. Pure attention in conversation. All is so easy. We tend to make everything complicated.

LowWiseZah Studios creates Movies That Matter to Awaken Society with Purposeful Entertainment. I’m inspired to create and entertain. I’m inspired to connect and help others that are struggling and have to struggled like myself from the debilitating identification with the mind and its stories, being used by it rather than using it as a powerful tool, until now.

But if I can remind everyone just one thing, no matter what you credit your growth towards, at the end of the day, it’s always an individual choice made by you. At the end of the day, success has nothing to do with the outside world. Heaven lives within you.

No matter how much one has, one can never be truly full. The answer for all is in the sky; it is in space; it is in emptiness.

There is a great difference between practicing a religion and finding your identity in a religion.

If you only see yourself as a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, or Jewish etc., you have lost your faith because it has now become a part of your mental and physical identity; when spirituality becomes a fragment of your sense of self, the undiluted teachings of the Universe become unpure and murky.

If you are a true embodiment of God then you cannot embody anything but the source; and the source is unspeakable and unknowable defining itself only in action. If you attempt to grasp this then you’ll be forever lost rather than forever be.

Just as symbols and the words that I speak add a dimension of life to the material world and too the invisible (energetic) world, Religions make the world colorful and have added to the evolution of the mind, body, spirit, and soul; but it is in the identification with the symbols and traditions that make the world segregated and filled with hate – whether it be subtle or blatant.  Ignorance is cunning under the mask of self-righteousness. Too many lives have been lost in the name religion.

Observe the energy in your body when someone questions or pokes fun at your faith. Do you tense up or do you remain soft, yielding and alert to the source of its true all-pervading nature? Are you resilient and rooted in the earth like a graceful, swaying tree in the wind?  

Is discourse fun or a chore? Are you a slave to your mind and thereby a slave to your religion? Are you a slave to God and thereby a slave to your religion? Are you a slave to the flag and thereby a slave to State? Do these words strike fear in you and make you uneasy? One can value values without making them valueless.   

This too happens when all stories and parables become literal and concrete as well; this creates a solidity of control that the mind projects but it is also another clever delusion. This what happens when one can no longer playfully question their faith. This is what happens when they wear the mask of faith rather than embody faith itself. When the people definitively know then danger occurs again and again.  

Not knowing is the power of the absolute.

Saying and doing opposites. I’m not the first to write about this nor will I be the last. True wisdom never dies

If this resonates with you, explore my films—stories designed to awaken something deeper within.

? Watch here: DEATH TRIP