Due to what’s been happening in our lives, the surreal “pandemic” or the sci-fi like film that we’ve been living in, and the fear-mongering of the media that surrounds it, with the constant torturous headlines, along with the threats and dictated “precautions” enforced but hypocritically not abided by those very news outlets proprietors and too their greedy puppet politicians. In the beginning of this façade, I was too foolishly susceptible to the fearful pull of pandemia. This is what they wanted; they wanted the people in ‘fight or flight’ because in these instances, when we are uncomfortable, we tend to act without consciousness and with irrational behavior. That is why in moments of societal despair, the embracing of the present is the most essential to the cultivation of absolute freedom; the freedom from collective religious and political groups and also the empty rights movements that they capitalize upon and mask with the label of “equality”. The present is a gift and it is a useful one that’ll wake you up from the reality that you think you know – it is essential in order to identify and to see clearly as to what is truly going on in society today.  

The most useful advice that I can ever gift you, as I’ve been also gifted with this advice myself, is to never make an impulsive decision without first taking a breath; and most definitely do not make decisions when you feel uncomfortable; regain your composure, gather your awareness, and if this does not come right away then wait. Be patient. Be kind.    

Emotions heighten all things of the mind when you’re struggling with something internally and we all have our ego’s shared cloud of past-pain, shame, judgement, and regret, that attempts to cyclically live over and over again within us; this is why we must be kind and patient to ourselves throughout; this is why we should not trust our decision-making intuition in these moments because the ego is very subtle, conniving, and justifying – but most of all, it is fearful and self-righteous. Pandemia has opened many to the reality of impermanence and to the visualization of Looming Death. Something that’s periodically come up in my own mind is the fear of death, both my own impermanence and my loved ones, but I didn’t need this event to recognize it like many recently have. Nor does this make me special; given certain circumstances and experiences within my own life, I’ve had the observation of witnessing the death of my loved ones firsthand, as many do – how we interpret it is different but also the same.

Many were not ready to be isolated from their friends and loved ones, and those who abided only caused more harm than good despite the justification of wasting time away from loved ones due to the propagandized spew that they were fed by the media and the system; but we live and learn. When productive solitude becomes your way of life, you become your own best supporter as well as your own worst enemy and if you have the free-mind to observe this then you are more than aware of the tricks of the conditioned mind; in fact, you are then beyond it. We subtly fear the lack of control that we have in life and the situations that we are dealt; many of us fear what we become when we dissolve and we fill the unknown with hope and scripture; this may be knowingly or obliviously. When in chaos we throw our way of life out the window and attempt to commit philosophical suicide by trying to toss out all of the deeply rooted and cultivated principles that we individuals have developed throughout the years of life and all that has been cultivated in the name of great suffering and innate presence – this all stems from the ego’s attempt of knowing; rather than accept our own truth as to never truly knowing anything, rather than to view knowledge as infinite spaciousness instead of the confines of a book, we attempt to solidify our existence with self-perpetuated stories about what we think is happening or going to happen; we create a concrete persona based upon secure belief systems to solidify our existence and purpose; we try to write our story and figure out its mystery rather than using the creative intuition to the cultivation of more intricate chapters.    

We choose to suffer for the reason of all reasons: to attempt to control and know all within our mysterious lives. We antagonize ourselves with the very thoughts that shakes us… – so why have them? – they’re always there but it’s not the having of thought but rather the attachment to the thought itself. Just as a “fixation” does not truly exist and is “merely a conceptual overlay to articulate a repetitive thought pattern,” too the solidity of any thought; good or bad! But the feeling of innate presence is real (or is it?) and inarticulate – untainted bliss (absent of ego) is indescribable and godly, if you will. But if we are to let all in then we must too take the good with the bad. 

The angst, the weight on your chest, the tightness within your throat, the body knows fear very well and the mind can be trained to observe it rather than to be a part of it – the mask of anger will then fall off and turn to a river of tears. The actor plays a role and believes this role, and the audience watches and observes, they may react on occasion and identify with the performance of the character but all-in-all the audience knows it’s just a play. In this moment, the audience is collectively enlightened by the individualized sense of awareness; and at heart, the great actor pretending is also aware that he is merely just a character. What an enlightened theater room…

We all attempt to make “the performance” within our life a reality or even a distraction and attempt to make this radical acceptance of inner and outer peace irrelevant with the justifying voices of the hurt ego but with practice we always truly know who to listen to because it’s inborn – you do not have to do anything at all! Conditioning has buried it but a few moments in nature can quickly unbury it; if you let it. There’s peace within the present moment, it is godly, there is no beauty in dwelling anywhere else but the present. The future, the past, it is dust; it holds nothing for us and if you feel that it holds memories then you are wrong – because memories only live on within the present moment. Just as Time is inexistant, so is all that attempt to build it; clearly the realms of the Universe can prove this notion by not by abiding by our system of time. Time itself is a construct of control and understanding – other than being used to keep to a work schedule or to plan things, Time is absolutely useless. If we look to the world with Time in mind, life becomes unbearable; it’s in the Present that the eternal clock forever ticks. Nature doesn’t run on time; it runs on intuition. You just read the sentence prior but here you are now reading this – in this very moment you are in this moment with me and all else is of the past – a few minutes ago no longer exists and the future is unpromised, and here you are reading this, either bored or interested as to what I’m going to say next. I may go back to the past to revise what I previously said, so in a sense I’m travelling back to a few moments ago – but this is simply just revisiting the articulated ideas of my mind, my conscious mind that cannot be seen or located and is also absent of Time. Consciousness is inexistant and invisible to the eye just like the past and future – ever millisecond outside of this moment is too inexistant. Pictures and film document moments of time and are carried forth, along with music and literature, to evade the impermanence of our perceptional reality – this is very intriguing to me.  

“Stop living in the past”: this essentially means that one has not accepted the fate of the present; because we have the ability and complexity to live in the past, future, and present simultaneously, all gets kerfuffled and the notions of reality become abstract and then dosed with the nearest stimulant to cope. There may be idealistic ideas and beautiful memories of the past but despite the action of our prior reality that is now absent of Time, our gratitude can take hold of these precious moments and bring us to where they still live in order to enjoy them without the attachment to them. The same note can be taken for pain; to accept it, to be patient with its vigorous stream and to observe it and be gently inquisitive to it like a curious child, then no longer feeds the resistance to, or the same perpetuating story of, the identification with the ego and all of its layers of victimization.

Be gentle to yourself. Once you feel the freedom of the present moment, the gravitation back towards it will be as natural as the ocean’s tides; just as the clouds part and the sun shines, a light within the darkness will then appear, and even when the brightest stars don’t shine through the overcast midnight sky you will still feel them rather than just see them. We are not just a part of nature; we are in fact nature ourselves. A seed falls, earthly fornication occurs, a sprout appears, water and sunlight nourish it as its Mother and Father, it then grows and develops strong roots for the necessity of dealing with the wind and fluctuant weather; it grows limber and agile, then growing tall and strong but still holding a yielding sway to the strong gusts of winds; it sheds its leaves over and over again, every season without reason, the tree molts; it later sustains life and shelter for others, and then grows big and older; its body cannot sustain itself as well through the storms, even despite its creaking dancing in the wind; tree limbs creak, break and fall – eventually it begins to decay into where it once began, becoming one with the earth. It’s no longer there to our perception but it is most definitely there within reason and memory – all else is a mystery. We are limited creatures.

Be patient, be kind, be strong, be resilient and be wise. It is in the compassion that we hold within ourselves that naturally exudes to others like a dandelion blowing in the wind. We are all extensions of one other and are no different from each other, yet paradoxically our experiences are unique and one of a kind like a snowflake. The universe dances in paradoxes and so we do we because this is not meant to be understood but felt. Knowing is a disease; to not know is freedom. The beauty is within the breath: peace, presence, and all of the attributes of the higher Self.

Just because you don’t identify with the ego and your story to the solidification of the grand persona, does not mean that you have become some sheepish robot with no sense of self; it simply means that you have chosen to become both the actor and audience with innate awareness. The actor is performing for both himself and the audience as well. He is aware that he is performing and has fun with it; the audience too knows that all is just a play based upon the tragic and comedic shared sufferings amongst all – this brings unity to the forefront and the unconscious corrupters will then cease to exist.  

Complying to a governing or organized body gives the human condition a false sense of hope and continues the patriarch/matriarch complex later in life; the media, the political party, the institution, all become the all-knowing parent and this is dangerous because they have no interest in nurturing and loving their child. This is carried along with the invisible justifications of their deceiving fearful ego and desire of value and worthiness – one should only be worthy to one’s self. The root of all mental illness is the definitive knowledge and attachment to the ego’s falsified truths and stories; quite simply to know or to declare as such is merely an abstract idea and an attachment to a fixation to empty solidification and isolation of the individual. It is a voluntary imprisonment like Time.  

Not knowing is the cure to heal all by simply acknowledging the spaciousness of knowledge – as stated, knowledge is empty and infinite; it is eternally and collectively shared through the eyes of the individual. ‘To not know’ is the infinite wisdom and eternal light that many attempt to articulate by word of God – it is the humbleness and kindness to all layers of the self and it is the satiating nectar of Life; so much so that it leaves one wanting more but needing less – it is the unattachment from all of one’s self-perceived values and it is the path to the evolution of something broader and inarticulate by words.

Spiritual minds more than 2,500 years before the common era (before Christ) had this innate knowledge within them:

“The human body is the temple of God. One who kindles the light of awareness within gets true light. The sacred flame of your inner shrine is constantly bright.     The experience of unity is the fulfillment of human endeavors. The mysteries of life are revealed.” (Rig Veda)

This level of enlightenment was still continued to be articulated in other religious texts in different but similar words:

“The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you” (Bible)

“Unquestionably, to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and the earth. Unquestionably, the promise of Allah is truth, but most of them do not know” (Quran)

          Throw away the attachment and unnecessary suffering to all idols and end the worship of death. Embrace the falsehood of the government and institutions along with the myths of all of the supposed “enlightened beings” and religious scriptures and its proprietors – let words remain words and symbols remain symbols and let the peaceful burning of political flags and religious texts have no pull upon what is rooted deep within. We must laugh and stop taking our lives and ourselves so seriously. Fuck statues, symbols and notions of Brahman, God, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Moses, and all of the holy religious scriptures – does this vex you? – if so, you are not yet enlightened (nor will you know when you are!) and are missing the point articulated throughout this scripture that you can too burn or relieve yourself upon after your done reading – or tear it up and smoke a joint – I heard that smoking Bible paper gets you closer to Christ – I also heard that every time you rub Buddha’s belly you make him cum. I also heard that Mohamad doesn’t like to be drawn because he’s incredibly insecure of his cleft lip. Do these words and thoughts all bother you or “shock” you? – isn’t it a little silly and irreverent to life that these dumb jokes have that much effect on your mood and feelings – we tend to perpetuate unnecessary suffering both knowingly and unknowingly.

The problem is in the volatile attachment to empty values – this doesn’t mean that the values themselves are “empty” or without meaning, but the interpretation and absolute meaning of the values (or morals) for and towards anything or anyone, especially in the realms of religious spirituality, is the appreciation and acknowledgment of something truly great, mysterious and divine, that represents and exemplifies inner-peace, love, kindness, and even history through the manifestation of something inarticulate by words and absent of all the layers of human conditioning. Everything else is a just waste of the present moment or “a waste of time” as they say; they muffle the very moment that cultivates the presence of whatever one may interpret to be labeled to God. I shock to teach, take from it what you will. Not many choose to speak against the conventional and the conventional is easily corruptible and innocence is easily malleable. I state all of the above: the separation of church and state from the mind, because the spiritual realm is beyond what can be articulated by words and is frequently raped by institutions and the collective egos of greed and power; spirituality and the grounded essence of life is merely demonstrated through way of actionless action and felt within the depths of our bodies.

Soon the individual’s spirituality will be under attack even more so, and the existing forms of organized religion will fight with one and other once again as history continues to repeat itself for righteousness and greed of the elite, but this is only of we do not practice separating ourselves from our values to the something of higher importance within them – this is the only path to enlightenment and peace. Freedom is a gift from within the present moment and is absent of attachment; it not a gift from institutions or any religious doctrines or even any spiritual leaders.

          Laugh whenever you can and laugh whenever you can’t. And again, who cares –

          I didn’t know where this essay was going to end up but what a fun fucking ride…

©2021 Michael Angel Loayza Jr.

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