Cultivating One’s Own Limitless Divinity In A “Mentally Ill” World

Our religious experience must not be categorized to a collective body or conceived by a definitive explanation but rather embraced as an understanding (or misunderstanding) to one’s own interpretations towards life and its mysterious totality. What a truly intriguing and fruitful world this would be if systematized religion, political parties, and collective unions all ceased to exist – if labelization to categorize ‘more than one entity’ was rightfully abolished – what a utopia this would be. For this paradise of the Self to ever come to be, the darkness of our egos would have to be faced; the primary fear of the individual would have to be confronted as well as the anger manifested and its very deceptive masked projections, brought on from self-loathing due to the new and fearful way of life towards Self equanimity. This exciting absolute freedom now comes with no distractions other than our own “peace” of mind – with less masks the opportunity to learn the façade of our own becomes much more readily available to defeating the ego’s stubborn grasp of limitations. Upon birthing this new way of life people would then act impulsively out of fear, and by means of survival, to stifle their internal chatter towards their higher Self; chaos of the mind would come forth even stronger once the “truth” of our freedoms have finally been set free, despite them being readily available throughout the previous way of life. The world would have to tear itself apart before it became whole – and only those who watch it burn, leading only by example (for this is the strongest way to impose one’s will without imposing anything at all) would be the reigning species – it is effortless healing in the midst of chaos. Those with the upmost compassion live and die without ever truly living and dying. This chaos is not at the hands of a dictatorship but at the hands of the individual – when one finds themselves truly free they will attempt to create a new imprisonment at the hands of themselves, but at least rather than being a forever prisoner to an external force, in this way of life, greatness can and will eventually be attained to endless evolution. This is an ideology of abrupt implementation of the newly organized religion of the Self: abiding to, and cultivating one’s own true nature beyond primitive tendencies while always being mindful to where we had come from: Nature. 

A much less aggressive way of growth towards a personal utopia would be to implement rigorous creative thought in the school systems – a desire towards knowledge of the Self for the sake of invigorating life itself. But again, this would only be if the system ceased to exist; when the patriot dies the world then becomes whole. The only law I abide by is my own – this is the ultimate freedom – this is one with the Universe, it is innate yet contains great structure; for if it were to deviate from its natural orders it would cease to exist – in a rational sense, this form of being contains the Universe as a whole and all of its vast mysteries are happily unsolved and appreciated – this Law of Thyself claims to know nothing yet cradles all of the knowledge needed (or not needed) within the cosmos and beyond.

Society is in need of great saving but I know I cannot solve ‘its’ problems, but I am willing to courageously leap into the abyss to selfishly save myself – I can solve, and even not solve, my problems; this is healing in itself – it is greater than any collective movement with even the most purposeful bones because it includes all by reinforcing the one who is most important. The conquering of the ego heals all of the conflict within society. This healthy obsession with developing one’s own character is not sociopathic, apathetic, narcissistic or egotistically selfish, it is essential to one’s own existence to finding meaning over and over again. My writing isn’t for the stupid; I’ve realized that – even the simplest forms of it cannot reach ignorant minds, or those choosing to live in fear and delusion; these people have thrown away the key to alleviating their perpetual purgatory – they have chosen to be the ‘forever victims’ of their past experiences, and rather than go insane, they choose to be seek pity from all – they want their voice to be heard but have nothing to say – they fill their void with hatred and anger, only to be projected upon the target of their choosing based upon their own self-righteousness and personal experiences. Rather than cultivating compassion from their own experiences, and for a moment breathing the shared pain of another, they instead choose vigilante justice and think that their burden is only their own; until they find the power of the like-minded vigilantes that attempt to move towards “change” and “progression” with segregating forces akin to their villainous counterparts that they attempt to dethrone, thus becoming the abyss that they once gazed so fiercely into. Give them what they want and they will want more – this statement reigns only true when there is centralized power – govern one’s Self towards liberation and these great distractions won’t exist – they will dissolve on their own through individual consciousness – it sounds farfetched but it is the simplest thing in the entire world. The naysayers despise their reflection and unknowingly love this feeling of the black cloud – they choose to know nothing else because they fear themselves; I know this because I frequently fear myself too – but at least I have confronted this fear and know that it’s a forever shadow – it’s there even in the brightest of light. I’ve discovered this victim complex and spirit (or lack of) of the naysayers by attempting to aid with the simplest of words to one who was hurting, only to realize that their hurt had become a choice: a bad habit or an “addiction” as society would happily like to label it.

What is society? Without the individual it is nothing. Society can only be generalized by what it is because it’s built up by individuals – without the individual it becomes empty and without meaning – society is merely a generalization for a group of individuals – it has no bones or unity without the individual. Society makes up nothing in its own regard – every duty payed to the group comes from the individual – it begins as personal thought that may be based upon the collective’s intentions but regardless it renders within the mind of the individual. The collective is a diseased tooth within the mouth and is based upon a self-righteous backbone propelled by the fearful ego – for me and my words to evoke a rise of the masses for a sort of self-liberating rebellion, would only be the individual lifting themselves up, unburying their heads from the dirt and uncovering their ears to the courageous whispers of their own thoughts. I had to think closely as to what I stand for and as to whether my self-righteousness is being “justified” by my ego or my own sense of molting individuality, but when I write to develop myself, with no agenda behind it other than self-evolution, and my opinionated words are only intended to promote the notion that we are capable of having our own thoughts; thoughts that a not predetermined by society, its history, or its culture – after closely evaluating this, it is clear as night that my intentions are pure and with the upmost compassion. Someone once said “you’re not going to change my mind…” and I thought to myself, I had no desire to do so, I had no desire to be “right” or “wrong” – I simply just had the intention to observe and listen, to better understand this person and myself, to reevaluate my own morals, and to only discover ways to liberating individualized thought based upon one’s own developed morals and experiences – though, this is difficult when one has stubbornly established their identity and beliefs in stone – while cultivating a personality is essential, defining yourself as a fully developed human, with definite beliefs, with no room for change or growth, limits this perplex mind that we’re gifted;  this is limiting to our existence, it’s like saying we don’t need to learn anymore, or we know everything about a particular topic – knowledge is infinite and so is growth. There is always something to learn. Nothing is to be set in stone other than kindness, but kindness isn’t hard or concrete, it’s yielding and open like water – and we’re mostly made of water, so let us be as such: ever-flowing, pervasive and beautiful – with the power to dissolve the hardness of the toughest of rocks.

I feel that when true peace is sought after through necessary self-knowledge and education than no piece of the false persona can stop this, or render it askew. The need to know and knowing or thinking that one truly knows anything, is the disease of all diseases – it is the root of war to the masses and to the individual – it stems from the ego and the only way around it is to be able to identify when the ego whispers, screams or shouts; knowing is a limiting experience to life itself – life, in itself, is the mystery of all mysteries that no one can truly ‘know’ and no one will ever know the meaning to, other than their own – I also can’t make this claim to be definitive because I simply and humbly don’t know. If the mystery of life is to become defined by any meaning then life itself becomes devalued by false values – because life cannot be categorized or generalized into one perception intended for the masses, because the established values created by the individual are only to be broken and shaken up, or revised, not at the hands to accommodating one’s own ego but to evolution thus only heightening one’s own individual experience –a birth towards this open awareness can be attained to a sense of endless unspoken enlightenment. Those who say they know simply do not; and those who say they know nothing humbly and limitlessly contain everything. “Those who know do not say; those who say do not know.”

The oddity of knowing, when based from society’s judgements, is that when it is vocalized or demonstrated by the individual, and when their own way of thought towards how they perceive reality goes against the conventional norm, they are then ridiculed and labeled as insane or eccentric. When the individual claims to truly know and defines reality as one definitively sees it without the influence of the herd (though the herd incites influence regardless), they then become labeled as either the functioning-rebellious outcasts (life invigorators) or the “mentally ill” (life smotherers) at the expense of their own growth, through either delusional or openly-conclusive ways of thinking. This notion of having a free-thinking mind is enough to breed one’s own angst, but when you have a sickened and corrupted society, egos upon egos, it only helps deviate from the growth of the individual – it’s as if those who go insane desire some sort of individual spirit to Life and its immense sufferings, but gets lost along the way; they stay the forever victim and this becomes them unknowingly or knowingly – a denial of the higher Self analogous to the worship of false idols at the sake of neglecting one’s own creative genius . It is not in their interruption of their perceptual reality that breeds insanity but rather the definitive knowledge of that reality, it is the attachment to the notions that build their confined walls – it is in the ‘claiming to know’ of the generated story that breeds the insane mind and limits it to that of society’s corruptly unified mind – to an extent they are one in the same; and though the insane’s reasons are stronger and more unique than the herd’s, it is still limiting and counterproductive to one’s own life, at the expense of past traumas and the painful reality that one chooses to see or to not see. Society is no different, in fact, the society we live in is beyond insane and mentally ill; but because it is the consensus, it is acceptable and advocated. A majority of the world conclusively believes that there’s an all judging man in the sky that they should fear, because if they don’t they will not get into a magical place in the clouds after death; they believe to develop their morals not upon humanity and conscious tuning, but rather upon preconditioned notions of shame and fear – the notion that they will be sent to a fiery hell to burn forever, prodded by a horned and evil man that feeds upon the pain of mankind (sounds one’s own fearful ego). Society fears an imaginary friend, that they occasionally ask questions and favors to, a friend that is all powerful, incredibly judgmental and very egotistically self-righteous; they live in fear and paranoia with the hopes to please this friend, because if you make the invisible friend angry life will not be an endless bowl of cherries – this sounds like a delusional schizophrenic to me – because if this was one person creating and perpetuating this notion and no one else wanted to be a  part of it, this person would be labeled clinically insane – but if the masses enjoy the individual’s concept (produced out of  fear) and decide to inherit it as their own, it all of a sudden is acceptable and preached. It becomes a prison in itself, a business, an order; when war is fought in the “name of god” and under “one nation”, tell me, are these the words of ego-driven men or a scorned god – if it’s a scorned god then I sure don’t desire to meet them. I’d prefer to dance with the Devil – at least I know what I’m getting rather than this inept passivity and self-righteous livelihood. Leave it to the ego of human beings to corrupt the notion of the mysterious and attempt to label and name it, therefore devaluing the unspoken doings of all enlightened beings prior, those who would be sickened by the worship they receive at the hands of their own courageous individuality. The uniquely insane have more sense of individual pride and reality than the herd due to an original cultivation, but also stunted, way of thinking, opposed to those that generalize their morals and values based upon supernatural entities, myths and fables, that have been around since the history of man. It seems that as our consciousness evolved the ego then became more and more prominent out of fear, due to the mysteriousness of life and the great pain of loss and consequential suffering. Christianity was adopted from Roman slaves with a chipper demeanor despite their horrible lives and then was taken by a king and implemented throughout Rome as widely acceptable – fear grasped out of fear – hope grasped out of hope to something better – a book written upon a free-thinker and devalued by the all-knowing notion of the fearful man. A majority of the world is delusional and mentally ill; they fear their existence and they fear death therefore they cling to fairytales that have no definitive proof and with even the smallest ounce of possibility, they talk themselves into believing because it gives them clarity and safety to something blatantly mysterious. All of this stems from the notion of ‘knowing’ and the fear to lack of control, then attempting to create concrete reasons to reinforce these beliefs as a safety net to catch them when one falls because they choose to lack the integrity to lift themselves up and take credit for it – they choose to lack courage and see a constructed external force greater than themselves because they do not think highly of who they are – they undervalue their greatness and their Godly state of being – they devalue their individual power and this makes them less human.  They seek external reasons when there aren’t any other than their own reasoning – and these too have no true value because they have no definitive truth. With the upmost compassion we must create our own values and reasoning based upon our own experiences; our book is endless (until the ink runs out) and is to be revised and rewritten over and over for our own personal growth. A good book compels people to think, not what to think. Let these words unbind you; may you release your Creative Genius at the expense of me discovering mine as well – let us do this individually towards instinctive eccentric unity.

 We attempt to generalize, label and formulate a sense of control around what is misunderstood, in order to establish our own meaning through fabricated ways of thinking that usually accommodate comfort or a peace of mind, based upon fictitious circumstances or ideologies, when true peace of mind is simply a state of being rather than thoughts, stories and definitive beliefs – peace of mind is the ocean; it is calm, rough, ever-changing but consistent to what it naturally is: unpredictable chaos – as is the mind, but as we practice immense presence, we then see it as predictable and very habitual through ways of mindfulness. Usually I would never make statements upon one’s own true experience, but I speak upon the categorization of these experiences to collective phenomena and from a limiting but keen psychological analysis upon the world that I’ve grown to partially know; categorized mysticism deviates from the absolute power of being – there is an excitement and humbleness in mystery and even the darkest of holes – it is merely our job to discover it. I love humanity so much that I’m willing to reevaluate my own morals on a daily basis and confront all that is uneasy – I love myself so much that I do this for my higher Self, for my Creative Genius. I write with my blood and beyond it – and because of this I naturally exude light to all by heroically shining upon one. I’ve chosen to be the conqueror of my ego on a daily basis; I’ve chosen to be the liberator of my unique spirit. To be admired is to show others how to admire themselves; just as the confines of religious concepts lead to superstitious ways of thinking, a sort of paranoid delusion within the mind, shame is too a silent purgatory based upon idolized ways of thinking that are subjective to external sources – internal shame, is usually always based upon external consequences or fear of those consequences. “What will they think?” It is both our own belief system and society’s belief system that attempt to chain the individual down, both out of fear and for profit– it is our own shame and insecurity that limits us from growth and attempts to lock us in a perpetual purgatory. Projections of insecurities or justified morals, as well as choices made in the past that determined the fate of the present, a sense of bitterness from one’s own choices and the advocacy of wanting others to feel the same way at the expense of choices one has made, whether through self-righteous resentment to newly justified morals, only to be reinforced when jointed to hungry collectivist unions, therefore establishing a greater but deceitful sense of self (ego) thus birthing a false bravado and a fictitious way of being. “I experienced this and chose this way of life; therefore so should they or live with endless regret of the wrong choice…” – there is no such thing as a wrong choice, only lessons learned to one’s own compassionate and ever-evolving way to living. We can regret choices that we’ve made but not at the hands of other’s judgement; we create our own law, and the only punishment is our own – though this punishment is to be learned from and not harbored – its intention is to promote growth, taking a reflective and nonjudgmental breath before habitual and conditioned impulsivities of the mind attempt to come forth, attempting to bury the mindfulness and immense growth that we continue to attain and lose on a daily basis, eradicating shame and its imprisoning burdens while making more mindful choices to our endless ideal. The higher Self, the Creative Genius; it is deliberate practice yet the path pertains to unstructured structure – it is full of life and vigor yet death surrounds and nourishes it – it is pure openness and compassion to all and filled with great love yet it welcomes and understands hatred and anger – it is completely empty yet it encompasses all meaning to Life, existence and beyond.  When one attempts to courageously understand one’s Self, the world then naturally becomes whole.

©2020 Michael Angel Loayza Jr.


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