Rebirth of a Desolate Soul: An Epic Melody of Heartache

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An occasional flicker and I admire your beauty, like a shining star you always fulfill your duty; when I search for myself I never have to go far – you remind me of serenity, you remind me of who you are. You haunt me like a nightmare and I fear you like the plague, the toxic thoughts of your nature has me trembling at the legs; it’s a distant memory, an illusion in the desert – the day you murdered us was the you lost your feathers. As I shiver to the thought of you my heart barely beats and my lips are light blue; you’re the unpredictable frost that destroyed the Spring flowers, my beauty has now wilted and as time passes it devours – minute after minute, hour after hour; a prisoner within my siphoned soul with no room for growth at the gallows pole – when will the sun come out? When will this frost be done? Where is this hope? I know it’s not in this frayed rope; I hear a voice, “Patience, child – seasons come and seasons go – it’s within the darkness that we will know…”

It’s like a wave that washes upon me, the painful sight of your face, the precious memories we once had, the past is all that I could taste; grateful of all the memories but attachment sheds these tears, my fears come as projections as I reminisce all of the years; Loneliness becomes an enemy when you fear your every thought, Solitude becomes a prison when you dig a torturous plot; it takes work to leave the present and it is truly effortless to just live – so why must I take this heartache and give and give and give? If it’s your pain I feel then I release you, I beg you no longer to stay; we’ve made mistakes, our souls, they ache, but our minds no need to play; sleep tight, my little angel – for you no longer exist; sleep tight, my little angel, for it is time to rest in bliss.

Do you ever look to the same bright star in the sky?

Does your heart skip a beat when you remember the look in our eyes?

I’ve gone through this life alone,

By myself but not far from home;

I’ve chosen to live in solitude bliss,

Sheltered by the love of heaven truly missed;

I’ve ventured through the purgatory

Scattered throughout my mind,

I’ve also dined in paradoxes and evaded endless time;

When the stars fall and they’re in your view

And passed memories haunt the few,

May you always remember that

I will always love you and the times we had,

I love the memories enough

To take the good with the bad;

It is how you left us and now remains a bitter taste,

It is in the sleeping hour

When I’m haunted by your warm embrace;

Writing in darkness needs no light,

I need no vision to flow out all of my might;

While the clouds move and I speak to her beauty,

While my tears fall as gratitude is their duty;

I’ve always loved and admired

But now I have to train to forget,

To be in the moment and not

To venture into what is not yet –

When I wish for love I now hold my own embrace,

I find myself in nature and

In the tribe of the welcoming face –

The sun shines bright

Along with your infectious smile,

Memories then bring a grounding state

As clarity stays for a while –     

As every beginning comes to an end,

Nature’s flowers will too bloom again.

“Kill yourself,” said the Ego – release the identity and let “me” go – observe the thoughts that are not even ours to begin with; embrace the Self and there is nothing we can’t win with – let the mud settle and there is nothing that can’t be won, it’s not in the losing of the battle but the embracing of the fun – the spaciousness has a choice but no judgement or specific voice; it identifies as all but is none, it dances in duality but clearly it is one – it fears nothing and hears nothing yet it is compassionate and all astute; it is the root of all things, it is the soul that sings, it is the present: it is our truth. When the storm comes I embrace it, despite its pain I face it – there’s a time when all goes numb, the beautiful silence, the loaded gun; I release you, no more tears, I’ll always remember those gifted years.

These rhymes are a part of me, memories from the past; at times they are torturous but short, other times they linger and last – I’ve learned my intuition is truly my greatest friend; but staying present and grounded will surely never end – even despite the great deaths of my old two best friends. You hit me like a rogue wave; the thought of you nearly drives me insane; if words could even truly articulate the poison within my veins – my heart is too broken to mend as it palpitates to the death of my old friend. The moon dances around me, its hue nearly crowns me; I look to you and wonder if we share the same view – a familiar memory of when we were once two. I think of us constantly and all the times we had, too many perfect days – I can’t seem to remember the bad; I thought I’d be with you till the end – I never thought I’d be sitting here crying again. The cold rain fuels me as your burning fire cools me – you betrayed our scared pact; you spoke false words and took them back – you are dead and I no longer want you; may the light of my success endlessly haunt you. Glistening star, why share your beauty with me? You’re ever-so far as I gaze up to where you are; you drop from the sky to show me courage – reminding myself to never be discouraged. I walk through the luscious green trees; I smell the fragrant flowers and the nectar of the bees; and as the cool rain kisses my skin, my mind is erased and with nature I’m akin – there is not beauty like you, creatures included – you’re heaven on earth; that can’t be disputed.

There is no better song than the Sounds of Summer – the cadence of Nature is intoxicating enough to numb her – but a piece of me is missing as Summer’s insects keep on hissing; I sit alone on a bench in the forest as I continue to report like an exploitive tourist – I hate you, I wish that this heartache rapes you; you tossed me around after all of these years, you were my soulmate, and now here I am, drowning in my tears – the sun once was as beautiful as the blossomed flowers, now I sleep for death and the minutes feel like hours – I’ve lost touch not simply because I don’t see, I’ve thrown away the world because you locked away the key – in moments when I forget and then I remember, what beauty consists of, when in the presence of splendor.  

Seconds, minutes, hours; days, months, years – you took what was infinite and then created perpetual fear; when in love time is inexistent; when in pain time is more than explicit. I’m obsessed with you, you are my love; you’re the midnight shining stars dancing above – I strive to paint the picture of my mind, ever since you left I’ve seemingly been doing just fine; I find passion in my creations and unlike you, they’ll forever leave a pleasurable sensation – all while I suffer and repetitively arise to the occasion. I search for you in the abandoned forest as birds guide me with their cadent chorus – the dew wets my feet as the roots hold me down, the toxic love-mist air gives me an intoxicating frown; you left me at the altar and released my deepest fears – I stand in the Loveless Forest, heartbroken and covered in tears. How tortured I’ve let myself become since you’ve been erased, my stomach drops at the sight of your poisonous deceitful face; I’m disappointed, confused and hurt – you put me to sleep, ravaged me and left me to decay in the dirt.

The world is quiet and still – it’s as if all has stopped and peace euphorically showers me in a cloak of tingling atoms as I bury my soulmate to the sunset, and the splitting of two souls have not become one yet; I hear a pleasurable tune from the girl of the sun, her gentle laugh, and infectious tears; you will find your purpose, have no fears. As I bury my soulmate and find solace in the dirt that is now my fate, as I attempt to find meaning and avoid the venomous poison of hate, the sun grows over the lush green trees and then a beautiful melody brings me to my knees – once again, out comes the girl from the sun, an infectious hue and a bundle of fun; her gentle laugh and infectious tears; you’ll find your purpose, have no fear – the splitting of two souls have just become whole, two broken stars and in solitude they will grow. I seek the glow of the setting sun, I scale the earth, I run and run; its beauty paints a picture like no other, its beauty is irreversible like the breasts of a mother – when the orange hue hits my skin, I remember how to love you again.

An admirer of my art is the key to my heart – it’s in this nondual world of the  torturous memories hurled; I hide from the pain you caused when you tore our souls and left me flawed – it’s the limited belief that you had in me that leaves me in awe. I sleep with my words because that’s all I have, these feelings and memories, the good with the bad; you’re everything to me, you’re the key to my soul, it is within you that reminds I am completely whole – the wanderers only visit but they simply can’t seem to live it. I met you in my dreams and how real this felt; now I reflect and my eyes begin to melt – I still seek reasoning, so much so that I even blame myself – I even gaze into the mirror and expect to see someone else. As I walk the halls of familiar faces, fearing the steps of familiar places, I look to the swinging swing and there’s only one; the corroded rust, the blotted sun – this swing gives off a haunting ring, now buried with death from a poisonous sting – you were stubborn but you saw the truth, you spit out the poison and craved your youth; I was blinded, confused and left without reason, I’ve been counting on my fingers to the change of the seasons; days go by and I continue to cry, wishing for you to come back and for us to never die – just like in the present you were too confused and stubborn, but in this dream you were challenged with prior choices that weren’t yet yearned – you ask to be with me and I see right through you, I speak to the ghost of the girl that I once knew – how you’ve fooled me as hopeful thoughts ruined me! The world would end before we dance as friends; a callused nightmare and I wake up to the girl that died, to the girl that gave up, to the girl that I shall no longer confide. I remember the first time after we kissed, the heavenly feeling an amorous bliss; though your poison destroyed me, these memories hang me upon the void tree – a heavy branch that I can’t seem to break; opening my heart to you, what a mistake – you left me hanging and after all of these years, these dried up memories, these veins of fears – I think to the day that we were once one, and now I write to the invisible sun.

You destroyed me and after all that we’ve become I can’t stand the sight of you, and my heart still yearns despite the irreverent truth – you make me want to run; but not because I’m afraid or because of the choices that I’ve made – you lied, I tried, and I cried because of these false walls that seem never to subside; I’m done, I’m done! I hate you for what you’ve become – a deranged herd animal with beauty for the none. Even after all of this time I question who I knew; these thoughts constantly debilitate me now that we are through – were you ever my true love? These thoughts now render and brew; before my judgement was clouded but now my skies are blue – I don’t know who you are and I never truly did – but you don’t even know yourself so who are you to kid… In this world we’re by ourselves, with endless choices made by no one else; I look to the sky to admire its beauty – I’m reminded once again that I have a duty. When I look to the sky I die, thinking about us being apart brings upon stormy skies within my heart, the light then clouds the iridescent dark in which I once confided; now we’re split, we’re decaying, we’re stubbornly divided – when lightning strikes I see myself standing alone, watching the flames ember as I contemplate my home – are there any others like me? If so, they can’t seem to find thee. How does it feel to be so cold? You’ve become a cancerous tumor, an infectious mold – I’ll live with this betrayal till the day that I die, it was you that murdered us yet it’s only me that cries.

You’ve truly broke my heart; the greatest of them all – how can one fly if a bird can no longer call; you were my precious angel and now you’re just a ghost; I write to the invisible, to the one I loved most – I gave up wishing and now I’m missing, I shall no longer hope because after what you did we have no chance – you took your steps, you had your dance. How do you just go on pretending that we never existed, how do you throw a life away, the truest that you were gifted… with every step backwards we move a step forwards, when there is pure chaos there is also pure order; I feel so angry and filled with rage, I’m less free than an animal inside of a cage; anger is an old trait that I never adored, its poison is torturous and can’t be ignored – I see it and feel it, but it is not me; I’m losing myself – please, just set me free.  

You stand naked and alone, your back facing the world as you gaze into the desert abyss, a sad and lost soul of the fairytale truly missed; you wanted to kill us and you did – you said goodbye and barely even gave me my last kiss. It doesn’t get better and it never will; you were my everything, you were my thrill; to taste your lips, to have your touch – the precious memories that are us. You have company tonight, I hope they don’t leave you by surprise; your ominous beauty should have never died. Don’t be deceived by the twinkling star, don’t ever forget who you are; when that star falls you will shine even brighter – you will persevere, you are a fighter. It’s the hour when the Moon and the Sun greet each other, the most beautiful time of the day and unlike any other – your beauty is simple yet it has me in tears; I’ll always have you, year after year – and within this I have nothing to fear.

When two souls come undone the mighty whole becomes one; Darkness may be frightening and Solitude you may fear, but the answer’s simple, the map is within your tears – it also surrounds you, you’re a part of it all; please don’t cover your ears when nature tends to call. You always fall for me, how flattering, I tend to question why but then quickly stop the chattering; why question the gift of the intention to lift – how beautifully you fall to remind me that my purpose will forever call. It’s easy to love you when you’re the window to my soul, it is within you that in this moment I am completely whole; your autumn-colored eyes and your vibrant fiery hue, your beauty supersedes time and in this moment we are the few. You’ve truly disappeared, I dread the constant fear – you’ve drowned me in the sea and now I must finally set you free; a scar will forever exist from the one who’s truly missed – a fainted glance and a final kiss – the poison-laced death of the wicked witch.

A palette of colors when the sun goes to sleep, a reflection of beauty as nature tends to weep, I am alone in this world and unlike any other – but I’ll forever find company in the Root of the Mother. You’re a distant memory, you’re not the irreverent past – when I look inside of myself time seems to go by so fast; you took a piece of me that can never be replaced, you destroyed what was meant to be and then spit it in my face; you took my smile and erased my grin – you raped the bond of two sacred friends. When they ask where these words come from I say they’re from my Self and at times they are beyond me, I simply listen to the Angel amongst the Sea of Zombies, never crying to another, never running from who truly I am – I sit with my friends and discover the voice of the unstoppable man – this man is woman, this man is child, this man is within all, and this man sings for miles. In pain and in vein, the cold November rain keeps me sane, it’s within its frost that I again remember my name; as worms decay my perplexed brain, the tides of the sunset shelter me and tame the beasts within that taunt and shout: You’re a corpse with no pulse, now hear me out! It seems I’ve been drowning year after year in tear after tear; I’ve seen inside of your mind, I’ve observed your darkest fears; I feel you all around me and in quantum-energetic cheers – my bones are filled with mud and your eyes, they closed the story – it’s within my perpetual purgatory that I shall forbid my endless glory.

You are worthless, look in a mirror, it’s never been clearer – your eyes are as hollow as is your soul; I never knew you, you were never whole. How I’ve loved and how I’ve lived, how I’ve lost and how I give – this precious prison for which I live; I strive for anger with a purgic cleansing – the death of two souls and its vibrant ending; you never loved me and that’s what hurts – you’ve lied to accommodate whatever works. The best memories were when I was with you, it’ll forever baffle me now that we’re through – I genuinely loved you with nothing to fear; but now you broke my heart and true feelings are clear. When I look to the clouds I know you’re there; endless energy without a care – I wonder what you would say to me now… but truly I already know, so take a bow – you would tell me: it’s only part of the show, there’s more to this world, and in greatness you will know. All is truly unpredictable, nothing is set in stone, it is only in my passion that I can truly roam; it’s within me that I can constantly overcome, becoming an ever-evolving master, shining bright like the setting Sun. Loving you was the easiest thing, you made my heart endlessly sing; the day you killed us was the day I never feared, I forever trusted you and now I write this with my tears. I’ll never forget the day you broke my heart – the day you tore our world apart; it was raining, cold, dark and grey; as I walked alone I had wished you’d stayed – an empty house, an empty heart; a fire dwindled, as our souls stubbornly part; leaving me alone in the desolate dark – forever finding my Self within this fearless art.

I cling to memories as I fear losing you though I’ve already lost you; your selfishness cost you – you, you, you; it’s all you’ve ever cared about, yet you couldn’t find yourself in a field full of mirrors, even if you scream and shout your reflection would never grow any clearer – you’re lost, evil, and you have no heart – I am forever grateful for the day that you left me in the dark. How sad what you’ve become, a desolate soul on the run; you’ve lost yourself in the depths of an illusion, a false reality of a friend worth losing – I could finish this but I won’t – I hold onto you like an anchor while I continually liberate akin to a painter. When two souls come apart; when a once vibrant light becomes nothingness and dark – this pain is beyond mankind and time – but its suffering is purity and its blissfulness is sublime. The sight of your face makes my heart drop; sick to my stomach – Love’s darkest plot; I don’t know you and I don’t owe you – you’ve planned this from the beginning; it is within the love of another that there is truly no winning. An iceberg in the middle of the Desolate Sea, I’ve floated away from the rest because I simply just couldn’t be – I expect to soon melt because the sun is too potent – then darkness will come and too will the ones who wrote it.

It’s so much stronger today and it hurts so bad; how could you do this to us? How are you okay? I write to a ghost not because I don’t like your answers but because you’re not the person that I ask; I’ve never loved so deep, so now I sit and I weep and I’m entangled in the past; why do I feel more than most? Why do I endlessly write to a demonic ghost?

When will this wave of pain pass? When will my questions cease to last? All I want is to be alone – isolated and far from home; I’m empty and I can’t even shed a tear – I’m beyond numb and with nothing to fear: I’m okay and I will live without you but what a scar you left – it’s within these puddles of tears that I shall construct an ocean of the memories that I once wept. I’m on the edge, my mind is wired, I’m a toxic remedy though my mind is fire – I’m ready to pounce because I continually relive our tragedy, I tell myself reasons to justify the bad, you see; I’m fearful of what’s to be, like a cancer, I wait and molt to see; I’m impatient, fed up, and I’m hurt – I’m at a low and truly one with the dirt; I water myself with my tears while reflecting on memories throughout the years, my greatest love was an illusion, and in this dream is perpetual confusion. It’ll never be easy to say; you simply threw us all away – I was beyond good to you, I loved you like I love myself; unconditionally and like no one else. I’m so grateful for what I have, I’ll take the good with the bad, even when lost I’m always found; it is within the crowd that my genius screams so loud – we’re all broken, we’re all made of tears: so relinquish your demons and embrace your fears.

My dreams about you are so vivid, when I’m awake my mind is livid – how can you leave us in this place? This perpetual purgatory of utter distaste… you killed us and what thrilled me – a false memory of a person that you weren’t meant to be. When you look to the sky I hope you die; I wish you feel all of the pain inside as do I – I gaze to the stars without you and yet all I think is about you; I’m in a gravitational illusion – you’ve tortured my soul and I’m losing – these words give me power when I’m lost in the darkest hour. I’ve watched you survive all on your own, a superhero not too far from home; I write these words to liberate our fears – to unchain the shackles, to spread love and cheer. Another day goes by and another day I die, you were my other half, but now a distant memory, merely a haunting laugh – once I had adored the very thought of you but now I cringe and my heart is more than through. A day behind in the darkest hour, as time goes on this taste grows sour – you’ve tortured me for all of these years – you’ve convinced me you’re my soulmate and then left me here in tears. I’ve lost my way, I’ve drowned for days, a silent memory of time unpaid; the lost and young was so truthful – you’ve lost your way, you are no longer fruitful. You’re a bad dream, I wake up and you’re still unclean; here I am without you, powerless as I think about two. How I wish to call you and tell you about my day; there’s an angel inside of my ear that whispers “It’s okay…” – I wish I could share my heartache and listen to you speak, only being reminded by your chipper voice to never grow old or weak – but if one grows weak one still truly grows; it is within the darkness that one can truly know; your reminder is engrained in my ears, I’ll never give up, I’ll forever conquer my fears. 2 years have gone by and not a thought has died, I speak to you daily and I’ll forever confide – I love you forever, my nurturing best friend – you are my soul and you are with me to the very end – it’s within this imperfect circle that we shall be whole once again.

Out of sight, out of mind; the more you’re invisible, the more I’m fine; a distant memory of the blissful past, now a stranger – it never lasts; I never knew you, it was all a lie; now I write so I don’t die – you had your plan from the moment we locked eyes – it is within this process that I shall forever confide. Creating is god – true character is odd – passion is madness and true art is sadness; turned inside out or turned outside in, the genius persists through thick and thin – it’s in this path of an artist that the journey begins, it is within these words that I find perpetual friends; all is misunderstood but the darkness is the perpetual good; it’s in this Life that we must trust, not within a partner but within our creative lust – an extension of ourselves like no other; we are our best company, we are our own mother.

I’m so scared of you because you broke my heart, you tore our whole world apart; I write without you in our bed, in your spot, you’d rest your head – a dream, it was, a haze, a fuzz – now I write to no one other than myself; reminding me that I will never need anybody else. When you’re all alone and far from home, you’ll lose yourself and with no one’s help, your heart becomes ice and begins to melt; you’re lost because you were never found, your reflection was a shadow and now it’s just a frown. I forgot you because the pain is so bad; the thought of you truly just makes utterly sad – I’d rather pretend that you do not exist; I’ve erased our past from the moment we kissed – you’re a poisonous liar and for that your soul sets fire. You’re a prisoner and so am I, up until the very day that I die – I stare at the night with my eyes full of tears; you lost your way when you catered to your fears. Lost and abused, hurt and confused; spare me with all of your misery, cutout your eyes and sing to me; there are times when my pain is too heavy to cry; when our love was lost a piece of me died.

What’s been created has been demonstrated to keep the weak from what they seek; how could one truly be? If their shackles have not yet ever been free; the great distraction, the greatest hoax; a powerless illusion at the expense of those that vote – the leaders in the chair thrive from the colony’s despair – let meaning drive the individual to new heights; may our morals supersede what is wrong and what is right. A wasted gift, to the sand I sift; as I grow old I’ve stopped searching for gold – time will only tell whether you make your heaven or hell. The sight of you makes me cringe; to think that you were once my friend – now you’re nothing, a nightmare, a ghost – I’m more than aware of who loved who most. I’m feeling better as I write this letter; though the thought of you sickens me, the creative process thickens me – I see things clearer than they were once before; it’s within my suffering that I’ll forever endure. When I speak of our memories I have nothing but joy; like a stupid child playing with his favorite toy – I’m in love with memories that will never end; I’m in love with the idea, a perpetual friend. There you are alone in the desert; no moon, no sun, the sand is hot and you can’t run – you’re trapped and you keep sinking; you poisoned yourself with all of that thinking – you’ll never find a greater love; what we had was a godsend superseding the heavens above.

What peace I find in you: the midnight hour, your speckled hue; your beauty engulfs me yet I don’t fear it – your cadent whispers, I always hear it – why do I write? Because I continue to fight what is beyond wrong and what is beyond right. I’ll have dreams for years to come, sure, I’ll cry, sure, I’ll run; you’ve destroyed my heart as I try to part, while finding my way within the dark. There are times when I turn over and expect to see you lying beside me, your silent breath, a meditation to guide thee; your warm skin and gentle touch – at times I can’t bear the death of us. There is beauty in darkness; there is beauty in pain; it’s in finding meaning that prevents us from the insane; you left me at the altar, after all of these years; now it’s time to find purpose, now it’s time to face my fears. At times I feel it and time won’t heal it; there are moments when I truly feel alone, wondering what you’re doing so far away from home – if I could wake up from this illusion it would spare me from this pain, this torture, this confusion, it’s utterly insane… I write for no one other than my Self, yet an artist seeks admiration from everybody else; to make a living takes mutual giving – doesn’t nature also share its natural beauty; it’s a natural occurrence, not a burdensome duty.

The internal conflict of the unknown becomes a waterfall when you’re far from home – the pain of the rational voice will always give you a second choice. I’m caught in between the frozen air, it’s as if I loved you without a care – you’ve tortured and teased me but now you must release me; this has been a nightmare and nothing can compare – it’s within the beauty of the butterfly that I find my own despair. Another day goes by and another day I cry; it seems the same, a distant memory, a foreign name; how could you vanish without a trace; a mysterious voice with a stranger’s face. How you laid a map for yourself, a lonely place with no one else; every time I hear your name I still get filled with that daggering pain and it’s only you that I can blame – I love you more than the sky loves clouds – but there’s no more sunshine and the thunder’s loud. It’s one of those days when loneliness sets in, which would be fine if the earth still had my friend; since I met you, solitude, at times, isn’t the same – you broke my heart, tore us apart, and now I forget my name. You haunt me like a bad dream but I can’t wake up; your poisonous face, the thoughts just won’t shut up! It’s in this choice to find my voice. A darkness surrounds you, it nearly drowns you; and for this life that you lead you will surely never succeed; the excessive thoughts, the devious plots; the violent needs embrace the truth for the forever fruitful youth.  

A star shines in the black-hole sky, the clouds come in and tears I cry – there’s a coldness, a dampness – all is numb; as I sit here frozen waiting for the hours of the sun. You’ve disappeared, it’s been a year, I shed a tear daily; you closed our book with just one look and now you cannot save me – in the midnight hour the grass grows sour, the owl sings in the trees while I dig this hole of memories – gold clouded skies bless my eyes as I fear for the future without the girl that died. Follow me into the dark, I’ll hold your hand, I’ll eat your heart; I’ll show you life beyond the grave, I’ll eat your soul if misbehaved – the Desolate Soul will wander for years, water the soul, release your tears; I’ll haunt your mind till the end of time, forever prisoner, forever mine. Solitude beneath the sheets, a perfect canvas, and the window sleeps; I’ll never forget the day that it rained, I’ll never forget that familiar pain. Beautiful ocean up above, the ambient glow guides me with love; grounded in just a glance, with tears I say, I’ll take this dance. Beauty moves so gracefully in the midnight hour; I hold my heart as the grass gains power; I get lost in you with all that I do; my light is the stars, so I’ll leave it up to you. Once again you’ve proved to me that Time does not exist, years go by and still I cry of the times that we have missed; memories like yesterday flying in the sky – I’m truly in awe of you, how could you let us die? If a vibrantly pink rose can withstand the frost, and I can survive heartache but with a severe cost, then I am that of a rose and this is the purposeful path that I chose; decaying with the seasons, continuing to bloom with perpetual reasons – when all is bare several thorns protect my beauty – to endlessly blossom, this is my duty.

Where will you go? The Desolate Soul – I’ve cried for days while lost in a maze –you broke my heart and tore us apart; the death’s on you because we were true, you ripped my soul when we were whole – this death’s on you because now we’re through. As the wind blows you further away and I reflect upon a familiar day, I desperately question how you broke us apart; it’s forever raining, it’s forever dark. What is this pain that I hold? The scent of you is intoxicating, it is a cancerous mold; I’ve thought long and hard about you, which gave me reasons to doubt you; the pain seems to never get better, sunshine or snow, irrelevant weather. The thought of you brings tears to my eyes, the sight of you, I’d simply curl up and die; Love is torturous, at least that’s how you made it; you broke my heart and now I hate it. The familiar pain feels like rain, these repetitive thoughts drive me insane – it’s become difficult to close my eyes, iridescent memories project upon my mind, this is where the darkness truly lives and thrives; I am so hurt, that words can’t explain – no monsoon, no thunderstorm, can wash away my pain.

Note to Self: thank you for being so structured and strong, thank you for thriving and singing your song – it’s paying off with a tremendous cost but without this bravery all is love… The Creative Genius watches the moon turn to the sun – The Creative Genius lives while others have their fun.

It’s not easy for me to say goodbye, you’ve been a part of me, an influence, a sparkle in my eye; you’ve caused me great pain despite you once preventing me from going to the insane; from artist to artist, I have evolved; stepping back, once again, I’m truly awed. I’ve buried you in the dirt with all of my endless pain, drowning out the voices before I go insane – seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years; as the days go by, still I die, but it’s time to dry my tears – I loved you like the earth loves the rain; cover me in flowers, wash away my pain. I’ll never forget the day you broke my heart; the weeks prior were so cold, desolate, and dark – I made up excuses because of what I feared – little did I know that the end was truly near. How I fear you… if all of these years could heal these tears then I wouldn’t be writing with my deepest fears. I buried you under so much pain, watered eyes, I’ve gone insane – hey, tell me I’m one of the greatest to ever live, it is within this ink I’ll give and give. The time has come when all is won, the precious fate of the midnight sun; the crickets sing as the night-bells ring – there is peace in chaos of the dead that’ve lost, it’s in their falling that we propel ourselves to the ideal of our cost. I’ve almost put you to rest, though our time’s cut short, in your eyes I seek the memories lost and the abyss of a familiar port; beyond time I seek affirmation, your words wrecked me but I’ll arise to the occasion. You’ve tortured me for the last time, it’s time to free you from my mind; how much you’ve pained me, after all of these years – it’s time to move on, to conquer my fears. Sitting on the bench all alone, in the rain, not far from home; looking to the greenery in the darkest hour, taking in the sights as my thoughts begin to cower. It’s the simple things that make you grateful; it’s the toxic things that make you hateful – choose wisely and live lively… I’m always so grateful to hear the birds chirp; things like this make our world truly work. What pain you’ve caused me, it’s time to move on, I’ve grown as an artist, I’m singing my song; I’m stifling my genius, for I must let it be – tonight is the night, the Desolate Soul’s set free. Forever hurt in this painful curse; the little girl and her endless words – you’ve poisoned me with your beauty, I’ll end this curse, for it is my duty.

I’ll let the stars guide my way, the crisp night air I dream to stay – the grass is cold and crisp as glass; the midnight hour of heaven’s past. It’s not the amount of times you die, it’s not the amount of times you cry; you shall live and give and truthfully see – within the clouds you’ll learn to truly be free. It’s as if it happened yesterday, you broke my heart, and you were on your way; it’ll forever feel as an illusion, that rainy day – at times this hysteria emerges with utter confusion, only to then leave a massive contusion. How I truly love this world despite its occasional rain and cloudy days; the beauty is all around us and is cloaked within the daze – it’s in the repetitive overcoming that keeps us peacefully sane, it’s in this perpetual greatness that we strive to make our name. The stars are so beautiful and bright, they remind us to endure, to shine and to fight – I see them falling all of the time, a constant reminder that all is sublime.

A rebirth occurs in the midst of sorrow, my eyes are welted as true words seem too hollow – the moon rises and the sun is done, then darkness rises along with the one. Green sea glistening amongst the near bare trees; the sound of tunneled wind, the sun’s embering leaves – I see you though you’re not there, the cotton clouds are without a care.

I’m back but I never left, I cried but I never wept – where do we go when our ego takes over? We only deserve to be the grounded observer. Love… two holds one, one becomes none; lost yourself in the Sea of Unity – find yourself in the doom of purity; when one goes undiscovered for too long, Solitude becomes a prisoner, while their True Voice is still a song. Ambrosia sky that no one sees; I’ve lost touch with nature, the murky trees – what a beauty, the sky is fire, the ambient moon, the cricket’s desire. All pain masks itself, you and me, and no one else; the ego deceives us, for it’s a familiar pain that won’t leave us. These words are too beautiful to waste, the way they dance, the way they taste; they’re beyond the heart and beyond the soul – it is within these words that I am whole – it is within me to articulate the human condition; I’m merely a preacher to all that will listen; I don’t want you to follow because that would be hollow – rise above what you’ve been fed, become the living, wake up the dead!

          It’s within these words that I remind myself, to pick up all of the pieces and to rise above all else.

©2020 Michael Angel Loayza Jr.


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