Investigative Mindfulness-Self-Psychotherapy

Investigative Mindfulness-Self-Psychotherapy

Everything that has been read up to this point has been a beautifully articulated roller-coaster ride of the mind, of my mind, and on this roller-coaster filled with ups, downs, loops and hairpin turns, is the synergy of the temporal states of being with the rhythm of Nature therefore shedding light upon the tainted human condition, exposing the Ego, rationalizing the native bond that we have with Nature and the fact that we are very much a part of it – we are it. My mind is no different than anyone else’s and this is the beauty of exploiting a shameless journal, it promotes a great connection despite the unique experiences and perspective of the individual, so much so that even if we weren’t aware of having these shared thoughts, when an entry rings true it grounds us in the present moment, subsequently reminding us that others have the same or similar thoughts all brought on from this fearful Ego being fueled by conditioning, a mass conglomerate of collective Egos. This exploitation is shining a spotlight upon the Ego and accepting that it is a part of us, yes, but also knowing that it is not us. It is a tool to be used and a compass to put us in the direction of what we fear most, which is what we love or admire most. This is the blueprint to growth because it is the work of growth, my own work to growth and conscious evolution, and the methods I’ve used are ways of thought that cultivate the individual’s soul, ways that take root in the spiritual Self which is beyond articulation and an extension of the Universe, an extension of us all. Does this mean I expect others to write essays of artistry upon Life, the Human Condition and Nature with such profound admiration and beauty as I have done…? – Not at all, this is one of my chosen paths of mastery, which is writing… But I do wish that others journal about their condition, from their egos, from their Self, in order to find the courage to take a deep look at themselves while valiantly pursuing what they desire to do, what they desire to be. I wish for others to practice this fearless mindfulness, and if one is able to discover other “methods” then the conscious observations and means of practice that I have articulated then go ahead and get to work, however you can. Just be wise, be conscious, and be human. I assure you that these ways are older than the Universe and they are possessed by all, and even despite being that no individual experience is the same, nevertheless we all share the same experience. How in depth the explorer will go isn’t up to me, but the work speaks for itself, the practice is what it is and even what it’s not. By no means is this my way, this way has been gifted to us and is a part our innate nature, I am just fortunate enough to be consciously in tune with it; and this took great practice and great action to the point of inaction and then birthed actionlessness. I have articulated the “methods” and work involved to both action and inaction and within this practice is the newly derived heroic and conscious creative genius, a genius that stems its roots deeply within the Self.

Our mind is full of layers within layers with a labyrinth of emotions, stories, questions and motives, all within each. The onion is sweet, sour and pungent, as is the mind. This journal, along with the poetic essays I’ve compiled, have been about a year and a half of mindful thoughts – one consistent trait that I’ve notice is that throughout the observation of my ego-driven thoughts I’ve always maintained a level of mindfulness, but I had to work to get there. As soon as we write our thoughts down we become mindful, even if we think that this thought is no longer there (usually to abstain from writing it down which takes “work” or “time” out of one’s day – this is all stemming from the hidden realms of the procrastinative and fearful ego), most likely it’ll arise once again if confrontation isn’t met; so exploit it sooner rather than later. This is consciousness; this is the start of a practice that peels away the layers of the onion. It’s as if we’re an embryotic puzzle that is completely assembled together in the womb, it is a finished masterpiece, then upon birth and as we grow older, more and more pieces seem to get lost. What I have done is rediscovered these pieces and then put them back together and then once again took them apart. This is becoming whole while remaining empty. There is great practice involved to have the ability to seemingly go backwards while consciously remaining centered and present. There is really no explanation of this practice; we’ve already studied it while reading through my soulful essays and journal entries. This is an already existing way of inquisitiveness with some more technique and structure implied in order to become our higher Self, to awaken this essential way of being. And the “technique” I imply is merely the concise and unconcise articulation of my words to the way of this inborn practice.

Raw thoughts are incredibly important, not only are they the best form of understanding of the human condition, of our ego or egos, but they also alleviate the burden of shame and therefore lead to a more naturally accepting world. In this there is compassion, liberation, self-love – this jumps passed many levels of conventional therapy and the freedom felt can be taken on instantaneously should one choose to be shameless. Mindfulness gives us the freedom to observe our thoughts from a neutral and inquisitive standpoint – in this there is a nondualist mentality. We’re connected to all. The investigative part of this state begins to unleash a slew of emotions, because when we’re present, when we’re sitting quietly, we begin to take on things that we wouldn’t normally choose to take on because all of a sudden we have chosen to become conscious to them, these thoughts. We’re hit by a monsoon of overwhelming thoughts and some of these thoughts seem to stick more-so than the others. This is where we must investigate from a non-judgmental place; otherwise we will cause unnecessary suffering – and unnecessary suffering is just a procrastinating force derived from the ego that stifles creative initiative, both in blatant artists of mastery (literature, film, art, music) and subtle humans of mastery, involving the cultivation of the Self and whatever genre-bending form of artistic passion that they’ve chosen. Because some thoughts are frequent it may seem like we’re grasping them but we’re not – sometimes a life left unfulfilled, or emotions not dealt with, a conversation left unsaid, will come up and within this we must liberate it, by either expressing ourselves out loud, to the person, to a journal, or to the air. As we become more mindful and when we begin to investigate why our ego deceives us with projections and fixations then we can overcome it, then we can discover the Self. We must also laugh at nothing; laughter is the quickest way to not only defeating the ego but to hold hands with the Self. And again, when I speak of “defeating” the ego, there is no violent war, there is no fight, there is just the acknowledgment that the ego is present and it will always be there, but this is part of the human gift, this is the tool that gives us so many layers of the succulent onion, with so many different webs and labyrinths, and in this compassion towards the fearful and lonely ego, we then let it become our best tool in order to cultivate the Self. The Ego unknowingly works with the Self to liberate the Creative Genius. This is a peaceful war that takes meticulous and strategic practice.

Through discovery of our innate nature we will experience immense pain and suffering, we will experience solitude which may be mistaken for isolation; we will begin to clarify and put into perspective what’s important to us by practicing both mentally and physically healthy acts, we now take the liberty to treat ourselves as Philosophical Gods, both grateful and curious to Nature and its celestial creatures.

The unburying of the Self is as easy as just writing down how we feel and releasing it. If it still causes problems in conscious reality or in the subconscious then it is intended to be revisited but always from a mindful perspective. We are aware that we have thoughts, it is natural to our nature, but we know that many of these thoughts, the thoughts that make us suffer or that give preference, such as ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’, these are all ego or persona driven. A personality (persona) is very different from the Ego yet it is more susceptible to the Ego’s swayed words opposed to the conscious and unconscious Self. Upon consciousness a healthy personality will still be who they’ve become but with less attachment to whom who they identify to be thus realizing that they are so much more than “preference” – this is best understood once experienced. However I can best describe it from within my own notable experience from when I had acted angry at a matter rather than feeling angry; this was a sure sign of mindfulness due to the fact that even during the event of a dramatic situation I didn’t identify with my toxic emotions – it was as if I was a poor actor that didn’t believe in the lines that I was saying. In order to understand the negative feelings or unwanted thoughts that we are having, we must curiously ask questions and in this, through practice, we will alleviate the Ego’s constructed stories. If you’ve built false cities of the future or the past within your mind, this way of practice will demolish them with the spacious love of the present moment.

The key to the Self is to begin doing what we fear, doing what interests us, trying things we’re passionate about; this is a core map to the development of genuine individuality, this is the practice of discovering our Self. And as stated, the Self gives back to all while consciously remaining one. The Self works with all levels of consciousness yet it is beyond consciousness and is one with the Universe. Working towards the Self does take a great amount of action but the Self truthfully operates from inaction. When we cultivate what makes us tick, when we choose challenging paths, when we go against
the norm of society, when we choose to be “weird” and “misunderstood” which are essential states of individuality and have also become tainted words by an envious society, we then consciously choose to be true to our nature. We choose to be unique and in this uniqueness we spread a sea of quantum electricity, jolting all, waking them up from their living-dead state.

The cultivation of the creative genius, which is a conscious and unconscious state stemming from the godly Self, is a muscle to be worked; it takes action and practice. The only fear we should have is the fear of laziness. So what’s left from this? What do we take from this exploitation? This is rather simple and can be said in just a few sentences but these pages were necessary to make the following statement worthy: Become aware and friendly to yourself as a whole, ego and all; but to obtain this means following what intrigues us, pursuing challenging paths, passions, Self developing endeavors, and along the way we will experience our own form of discouragement because now that we’ve taken on this challenge, we’ve opened the door to pleasing something that is greater than any external being, this passion to ever-evolving mastery is within us and we desire to never disappoint our creative genius, to never jeopardize the truth of our Self, it is in this that we become the greatest admirers of our own work, it is within this productive patience, persistent perseverance, and both perceptual and physical obtained health, that individual greatness will be birthed, and this structured practice is beyond necessary to do so; it is through structure that we become structureless and the practice of relentlessism then becomes first nature because what is relentlessism but the habit of constantly overcoming; it is no longer a practice but it is a newly obtained way of life – overcoming stems from the abolishment of the prior poor habits and poor habits all stem from the shallow ego; with mindfulness we become aware therefore becoming so much more than our “expectations” and then embracing Life’s present moment. Working for the now later produces the how: this is the key to making our dreams a reality. This is what I mean when action becomes inaction, this spirit becomes us without thought, it is beyond habit because habit has limitations and inaction has no limitations and neither does the Self.

The blueprint is within this book and it’s blatant – it’s consciously being in touch with your Self and in order to get there we must understand why we choose to suffer and just make peace with it, embrace it. By no means does this end our suffering, we’re born to suffer yet we’re also born to question it, to be curious about it; it is within this curiosity that there is peace; it is within this embracement that there is cultivation. This is finding the meaning to our suffering and constantly overcoming it by laughing at it, by respecting it as our best compass, by letting it lead us to our Self. Let this written work be the path to your way and then realize that there is no way. My methods are essential because they aren’t my methods they are Nature’s methods, they are our methods; they are the Universal way of being. The compass has always been leading to one place the whole time: within.

© 2020 Michael Angel Loayza Jr.

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